caravans

they might be good for the army but not for driving around at night. i hate not being able to drive places with my friends especially when we have three cars in a row going the exact same place. fuck richmond for not having a good enough public transportation system. narcs don't even allow us to be environmentally friendly but giving us 1-2 people in the car rules and curfew. fuck that. worry about shit that actually matters please.

lobes

our evenings are very interesting.

presents

this morning i walked downstairs to the smell of pancakes and bacon. i love my mom. she says good morning and tells me to go and see what's on the stairs in front of our door. i go out and look and it's a huge basket filled with goodies. i bring it inside and take a closer look. my mom says she already looked for a tag or a card and that there isn't one. no one left their name on it. i unwrap the gift and look at what is in the basket. inside there are four bottles of wine, french cheese, m&ms, hot cocoa of various varieties, and about $300 worth of gift cards for various stores. everything we love. as i'm taking things out i look over at my mom and she starts to tear up. "i guess someone knew we were having a small christmas this year," she says. i was so incredibly touched by the fact that someone would do this for us. it had to be someone who knew us well because the things inside of it were so specific to what my family loves. even more touching was the fact that no one took credit for it. you know it's a heartfelt gift when there isn't even a name on it. it really restored my faith in the season. 

as much as i love being at the beach being at the mountains is incredible. i love richmond, but getting out of the city is really nice sometimes. i think i love it a lot more when i'm not here all the time. its nice to have somewhere to come back to. the first time i went snowboarding must've been four years ago. i took a lesson and thomas helped me, but i stopped and sat down in the middle of the slope and started crying. my body was exhausted and i was incredibly frustrated. thankfully i've gotten a lot better. philip is amazing at park. i really think he should be on the park team at wintergreen and compete cause he could be so good. there's something about being younger when you learn how to do something. i think younger people are a lot more fearless. i suppose i still am pretty fearless, but not as much when it involves getting physically hurt. yesterday thomas, philip and i went up to wintergreen and it was snowing for a while in the morning. it was so beautiful and it made a fresh layer of powder on the mountain. so beautiful.

louis

so i was in a really weird mood tonight. i don't know why at all it was messed up. anyways louis gave me a piggyback ride to my car. while he was doing so i shared with him the fact that i was sad and just wanted to cry. he stopped me from crying but once i dropped him off i did start crying. then all of a sudden he pulls up next to me in the gold nugget and gives me a huge smile. i laughed and all was cured. i fell like thats how it always is with us. he is always there even if i don't know it. it's the best feeling in the world to know you always have someone there for you to talk to or just be with. i love him.

thrift stores

so the other day i was at soccer and i was wearing a shirt from love of jesus. it says pocahontas middle school or something like that. someone came up to me and was like oh my god i went there! it made me laugh cause i bought it for like $1 and it has no sentimental value whatsoever. its interesting how tee shirts get passed around though. i have shirts from thrift stores and shirts from friends and it always makes me laugh when someone makes a comment about what it says. i love clothes with stories.

tonight

is the eve of my seventeenth birthday. it's funny cause i remember when thomas was this old and it seemed like such an unreachable age. i guess its not. this past year has been such a trainwreck. i loved it.
i feel like i should be bitter about the way some people treated me this summer. the only thing i can do though is laugh because if they had actually been good friends to me i wouldn't be in the place i am right now. it's scary as shit to think of how things could've stayed the same. i could be at some random st. chris kid's house tonight getting wasted off my ass with people i secretly hate. instead i'm with people i love and care about so much and who are great friends to me.
i'm so done with caring about grudges. it's entirely not worth the effort. it really makes me sad to think about some people's lives being so lame that they have to care about mine. i mean when one person puts so much energy into making your life terrible it's really just painful to think of why they do it. really, when i'm forty eight, married, and a mother of three children i hope to god i'm not wasting my life away spreading shit about people. if i am you have my permission to kill me.


love.