tonight

is the eve of my seventeenth birthday. it's funny cause i remember when thomas was this old and it seemed like such an unreachable age. i guess its not. this past year has been such a trainwreck. i loved it.
i feel like i should be bitter about the way some people treated me this summer. the only thing i can do though is laugh because if they had actually been good friends to me i wouldn't be in the place i am right now. it's scary as shit to think of how things could've stayed the same. i could be at some random st. chris kid's house tonight getting wasted off my ass with people i secretly hate. instead i'm with people i love and care about so much and who are great friends to me.
i'm so done with caring about grudges. it's entirely not worth the effort. it really makes me sad to think about some people's lives being so lame that they have to care about mine. i mean when one person puts so much energy into making your life terrible it's really just painful to think of why they do it. really, when i'm forty eight, married, and a mother of three children i hope to god i'm not wasting my life away spreading shit about people. if i am you have my permission to kill me.


love.